Did I know?

Did I know you were there?
Did I know what you ponder?
Did I know what you see?
Did I know what you feel?
Did I know what you yearn?
Did I know what you give?
Did I know what you have?
Little did I know I'd crave,
The one thing I know
I can never have....You.

amused...

Gently I tread away.
Quickly he follows suit.
Ignoring him would be bliss.
Taunting me was his wish.
Not interested was what I thought.
Why don't you talk?
Was his quip.
What do I offer you?
I retort quietly.
A messenger tells,
You need to seek and not hide.
I am just afraid its another deadend.
On my road to find the one.
Why don't I take a chance,
Even if it just means friendship.
I just can't seem to fathom that.
As I feel I'd fall deeper.
Now silence ensues with him.
Not a drop of sound around.
I bemuse the distance I laid,
Only to be amused
At the caricature I call love.

Word play...

I contend with words
In a quiet shroud.
Yearning to be aloud,
Without any silent sound.
I sit with confound,
Of what has gone abound.
I remain unbound,
Not knowing how to turn around.
With an irreverent astound,
I take a look so profound,
of the past filled with confound.
Only to realize like a book misbound.
That actions I took expound,
The hypocrite in me so aground.
Has left me spellbound,
Only for me to cringe with pain
Realizing the hollowness of disdain.

'twas the past...

Twas a year gone by.
She wondered silently.
Time flying quickly.
Memories fading quietly.
What shall remain?
Of what had passed.
You never think about it.
Said an old adage.
Her past was her baggage.
Unable for her to let go.
The good always flies by.
The bad rears its shadow.
The haunting shadow,
That doesn't dim with light,
That burns eternally in the dark.
Sparks of the afterglow,
Is felt at this very moment....
She keeps walking,
She keeps living.
She tries to change.
She plays the present.
But the rewind button,
Always in control.
Keeps pausing to the moments,
That can never be fast forwarded.
Heart of hearts she yearns,
To live in the present,
even with the shadow haunting.
Is there anybody to show the way?
Or is she just a lost soul,
Without an anchor in sight.
'Twas her past remains,
Even if a year goes by.

A sideway glance...

He looked and smiled.
She peeked and frowned.
He would contact visually.
She would curse mentally.
He would accept her anger.
She would wish he disappear.
A daily ritual this became,
Till it was a habitual game.
No wins no gains,
No wounds no pains.
So the question belies,
What was this?
He was not a loser.
She was not a fool.
Both didn't take steps,
To go back or forth.
They just remained
In this static phase.
She thought ignoring helped.
He thought yearning helped.
A hard habit for both to lose,
A day came when
He became invisible.
That day she realized,
how much he was visible.
In the quagmire of life.
She looked everywhere,
Not a gaze towards her face.
The eyes she detested,
Were the ones she searched.
They held a truth,
That now she knew
What he meant..
Now all she could crave
Was the side way glance.
That promised her,
Drama and emotions
To become fully alive
In love once again.

the universe conspires....

Hard to imagine,
What I think.
Every time I decide to quit.
I fall back into familiarity.
Every time I choose to hate them.
I turn back on my resolution.
As luck waves its wand,
The magic flows through.
The eyes fixate on someone.
You stare at that someone,
For a few seconds and
Feel tempted to take another glance.
I try to stop but,
The heart gets what
The mind doesn't want.
Is it an age specific weakness,
Or is it my penchant for unrequited charm,
Or is it my damn luck!
Matters worsen when a dear one
Adds fuel to the fire,
You say you are on earth,
But you can't help floating into a cloud.
You call it comedy,
But you really know its a dramedy.
Messenger keeps giving the subtext,
But I can't get the whole picture.
Quarter of a century gone by,
All my likings end up committed
To somebody thats not me.
How is this time any different?
Discouragement exists for the messenger,
But the blame lies with me,
I get carried away easily.
Matters of the heart,
Ain't my cup of tea.
But when I do get one,
It overrides my sanity.
Afterall its just a liking,
Whats the big deal?
The subtext I get.
favours me for the first time.
But do I take it with a salty pinch?
I try talking like a normal person,
But can't help myself walking on eggshells.
I joke and kid around in the conversations,
To get a lay of the land.
I yearn to learn more,
I digress half way.
Sporadic conversations,
Random vanishings without a bye,
I lose my fuse,
Even though its just a crush.
Oh! what have I gotten myself into.
All I know is the universe conspires,
To make me perspire,
For me to aspire,
An unrequited desire.